Am I Getting Bored of Blogging?

Maybe I feel like my blog isn't very interesting anymore, therefore meaning that my life isn't as interesting as I thought it was...

hmmm..something to think about.

cramps

suck...but they let me just sit and relax. They take my mind off the hectic schedule that is my life. I'm going to Sacramento that I deep down hope will be my last tennis competition...I am kinda sorta really ready for it to be over. I mean I know I say I'm gonna come back next year if my coach can come back, but I kinda hope she doesn't but if she does, whatever...I guess. Ok, Samantha 3? 4? more days. Just a little bit more. But other than that I have to get started on that photography assignment. It's due next thursday: 20 pictures that embody 20 sociological concepts. I can do it.

Ok, next...I really love my boyfriend. I don't know if it's the hormones raging through my body. But I really and truly love him. I can't describe how appreciative I am to have him love me back. Although our relationship has been pretty rough these past couple months...and I really can't stand him sometimes...he always seems to bring me back to him. As much as I can say I don't need him sometimes or I don't want him...it's never the truth. He has become not only my lover...he is really one of my best friends. I never thought that things like this really happen. But he kind of has given me the back the hope that there are still more great people that I haven't met yet that I can let into my life. Coming back from that place I thought that I couldn't meet anyone else anymore...and that all the people I already knew were the only people that mattered. I thought that I couldn't find anymore best friends to fit into the PJR category..but I found a new one in him. Oh myyy...I love him so much..sorry if this is grosss...but I dont think that I could ever find the words to tell him how I really feel without stumbling..cause believe it or not...9 months into this...he still makes me nervous. If he does read this...I love love loveeeee you. ♥

But the real point is....is that summer is coming and I can't wait for this sucky first year of college to end. I need a fresh new start.

emily..

I know. I was just frustrated, but I'm not giving up okay?

thank you.

"I'm still here with you."

-smnta

.......

"When I hurt, do you hurt?"

"It's taking a toll on me."

"I don't want to grow up yet."

"I hurt, I hurt, I hurt."

"...I don't know what to do anymore."

-me

Making Cupcakes.

So i should be getting ready for tennis and whatnot...knowing that my ride should be coming in 10 minutes but I just felt the urge to write in this thing since i haven't done so in quite a long time.
But aside from all of the fights and the makeups and the arguments
and the tennis that takes up all the rest of the free time that i have
aside from work, things are just very consistent.
Nothing has been really up for me at this point of my life.
I must say that this is one of the hardest years that I have ever gone through..
Let alone being practically one of the worst years ever...
I mean I'm pretty much at a very low point right now...and things about me are starting to deteriorate
I've notice some things about myself lately that I'm not really used to...

1. I don't really care about how I look anymore...
2. I've forgotten how to care about how I look. Which is sad.
3. I eat, eat, eat...I know I'm gaining weight and I don't care anymore
4. I feel that I am living through the box we call TV..all real things don't interest me, I enjoy living through others happiness
5. I've gotten really lazy at friendships. I think that fact that I don't have a car anymore discourages me from having any relationships with any people other than my boyfriend.
6. I think I'm becoming a moody bitch. Things are day and night with me...and this moodiness causes me to piss other people off when I'm not even mad at them. I think that this could be my downfall.
7. I'm sad most of the time.

Well its hard to say you agree with me seeing as I'm not around a lot of people anymore. So it's either me self loathing or this is really happening.

This is what I think about when I make cupcakes I guess.

So this is my recent life in a nutshell

-tennis team :)
-movie theatre

-boyfriend ♥

-foood

the end...

i have no more time

no more time for my friends.

no more time for life. my life is depressing.

my schedule sucks its totally the opposite of every person that matters.

long time no post.

So as I am here waiting for my boyfriend to leave early from class I think I should update this. So from my list of todos for my life and getting my "loose" shit together it is slowly coming together. I have recently gotten a job at your local united artists. So you can come and visit me while I serves your delicious buttered popcorn and ice cold drinks and hot dogs :). But yes I got the job down. Although I am already thinking about another job I don't know I'm so complicated that its not even worth my time to explain myself. But anyways I am slowly working on that debt shit, but yah and my schooling yes that is coming together as well. My only dilemma now is deciding which classes I need to take in the summer. Oh and that shitty car accident that I may or may not have mentioned, I hope is getting somewhat handled, but as of now I am banned from driving forever. and I mean FOREVER. or what it seems like. But other than that misfortune I think that it is pretty safe to say that my "loose" shit is starting to come together. whew? I guess. Let's just hope nothing else adds my madness that I like to call my life.

my boyfriend.

i love my boyfriend.


♥


that is all.

So lately...

I have been having these constant headaches and these bouts of irritation and fatigue. I don't know whats wrong with me. I just really wish I can curl up into a ball and stay there for a few days until I can arrange my thoughts and figure out how to solve most of my problems. I can't even think straight it seems and it hard for me to even speak clearly at times. My head hurts and I don't want to do anything today. I wish someone could help me.

my life in thousands of words

1. A picture of you in your room

2. A picture with someone you really don't like

3. A picture of you very drunk
Cerritos Prom 2008

4. A picture of you on your birthday/favorite holiday
Debut 18th Birthday 12/22/07

Actual BirthDAY 12/18/2007 PJR 12am Surprise

5. The youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form

4th Grade became BFF with Ellie :)

6. A picture of you in one of your favorite outfits

Senior Prom with Benjamin

7. A picture of you making a goofy face at the camera

PJR outing to Torrance.

8. A picture you might have edited to make yourself look more attractive

Half ditch day with Zugey at Acacia Park

9. A picture of a night you regret
eh.... or even this one
ehhhh.....

10. A picture of you truly being yourself

PJR Farewell for a month

11. The most recent picture of you

Chanini's Debut 2/20/09

12. A picture of you being absolutely ridiculous

Natata's 18th Roller Disco Party 1/08

13. A picture of you showing off a new haircut/color
The Big Bang New Years Eve 07

14. A picture of a time in your life that's over, but you wish it wasn't

15. A picture of a time in your life that's over, and you couldn't be more thankful

16. A picture of you when you were anything but happy

17. A picture of you when you were nothing but happy

18. A picture of you when you were a different person than you are now

19. A picture of you with someone you love

20. A picture of how you'd like the world to see you

21. A picture that describes how you'd like to spend everyday

22. A picture of a time when everything was changing

23. A picture that makes your heart hurt

24. A picture that makes your heart smile

25. A picture of one of the best days/nights of your life

26. A picture of your past

27. A picture of your present

28. A picture of your future

29. A picture you couldn't leave out

30. A picture of just you

amen.

"it only hurts when I exist."

Remember Back....

when we used to be all romantical
when we could eat lunch with our best friends everyday
when ditching school was hard to do
when we could eat anything we wanted and still be skinny
when we could buy things without really caring because our economy didnt suck
when we always thought we would never ever get a person who liked us for who we are
when we would drive down random streets and blast music so loud our ears rang
when we could dress up, like really dress up for a stupid dance
when I had my small wedding
when we ichatted...and talked about nothing till we slept on the phone together
to that time that we were together and everything was so perfect for that one moment.

I miss all of the perfect times that I experienced with so many different people.

I Need To Get My Shit...

together.

Okay, so this is officially the last week of my loose shit. I finally start a class next week at my new college, like a class that I actually attend. Hopefully, this obligation to leave the house will force me to do everything else I need to take care of. I'm not gonna lie I've been really lazy this time I've been home. And believe it or not Point Motherfucking Loma is still fucking me in the ass. I'm pretty much three thousand in debt so I'm kinda stressed because of the $0 that I have to start paying that shit. UGH. God Damit. I hate that school so much. On top of this I gotta get started on focusing on my present life and I need to get a job. Being like this sucks...I hate having adult problems like this at such a young age...seriously I feel like I'm the only one going through this...I wish I was the girl who left after the 2nd day of school, now I see that her decision was pretty damn smart. So from this coming monday on, I gotta be focused...cuz right now I really think that I'm lowkey fucked.

I Get So Lonely....

Yah, well kind of...well not really, I feel like this is the least of my problems, but I'm listening to Janet right now so there ya go. But anyways..I am kind of back to being lonely..well until next week when I start pretty much my first class at Cerritos. But I'm in that moment where I feel like I'm doing nothing with my life to the point where I wish I was back in high school at school everyday which is kind of a thought of desperation. But anyways...I still need a job, hopefully starbucks or something pulls through because I'm tired of having tennis as pretty much the only thing on schedule. I really would rather have nothing on my schedule than to have tennis as the only thing..ew. Yah, so I have nothing to keep my time occupied so I really need something productive to put my mind on, because all the things that I have aren't satisfactory. So, I'm deciding to do something about it and try to get a job already..then meet with a counselor for my Summer School Schedule..because I need to get my escape from Cerritos going or I'm gonna be stuck there.

btw some random thoughts:
-What the fuck is twitter?

-...and I want hair like BoA :)